at least we've got each other and we know how to poach an egg.

dogs on halloween

2011-03-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

waiting for a lunar eclipse

2010-08-24T03:18:00.000-07:00

Souveniers

2010-08-23T15:37:00.000-07:00

24 hours of moronic behaviour

2010-08-23T14:48:00.000-07:00

Are those cheap hotel pants?

2010-08-08T15:57:00.001-07:00

adventures in a donky hotel

2010-05-31T14:32:00.000-07:00

lighter side of the moon

2010-05-18T15:16:00.000-07:00

sheeps and sheesha's

2010-02-23T14:55:00.000-08:00

contemplate the sign.

2009-12-23T17:27:00.000-08:00

drunken buds on a bus

2009-11-26T16:54:00.000-08:00

pass the dutchie on the left hand side

2009-11-26T16:30:00.000-08:00

punch me, strangle me, just don't delete my photos.

2009-11-26T15:20:00.000-08:00

charmless man

2009-11-04T13:19:00.000-08:00

comfort

2009-11-01T08:56:00.000-08:00

bristol

2009-11-01T08:35:00.001-08:00

another day at the orifice

2009-10-28T14:08:00.000-07:00

par example

2009-10-23T07:54:00.000-07:00

eutopia

2009-10-17T03:48:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid I used to see adverts for Centre Parcs and fantasize that one day my parents would take us all on the perfect family holiday there where we'd all play tennis, ride our bikes through the woods during magic hour, and jovially push each other into the huge tropical pool. Instead I got family feuds all the way to Tehran, so I thought i'd gatecrash Si's family trip to Longleat Centre Parcs so that I could experience what true wholesome fun feels like before I die.

Because Captain Prang Gang Dance was driving, we left London at 7am and arrived there before most families were having breakfast. Look how excited he is!

We both took our own bikes because they look cooler than the loser mountain bikes you have to hire there. I realised after about two minutes though that my trendy bike with its dumb ass single speed is impossible to ride up hills which the forest is full of. Also Simon pedaling the miniscule wheels on his Brompton was pretty comedy but we still looked way more hip than everyone there which is all that mattered.

I left Si alone with my camera for a few minutes and he took a silly photo of his face.

Oh and also one of a dog's ass.

I took a Ryan McGinley photo.

We spent about 90% of the whole weekend in the rapids.

You might be able to see where im holding my head here, cause I smacked it really hard on the side of the wall on my way down.

The parental unit who are my new favourite people.

In the evening we watched Danni Minogue make homophobic comments on X Factor, and tried to spot my best friend from home dancing on it.

Then we watched a video of Si's sister give birth and his mums friend told us she thinks that she's being controlled by aliens but doesn't expect any of us to understand, followed by Si telling his family his experience of drinking ayuasca tea and hallucinating for 12 hours.

We did Falconry the next day and I fell in love with the Welsh teacher.

He's definitely sending him telepathic messages here.

They should definitely do ATP at Center Parcs next year.

fomo

2009-10-14T16:17:00.001-07:00

when nature calls...

2009-10-07T04:22:00.001-07:00

photos i found on my old phone

2009-10-06T14:53:00.000-07:00

when two become one

2009-10-06T11:40:00.001-07:00

Cristal poppin' on the buttnavigator

2009-10-03T04:25:00.000-07:00

"Um. Kellz...I hate to be a buttmunch and bring the vibe down and all cos this party is killer, don't get me wrong...but the whole thing about their being food everywhere .. how in good christ do you think it got there? This party is obviously catered it defies belief that would actually feel enough compulsion to record such a line in a chart topping club classic. It's like saying 'weve got a mini bar as if we were staying in a hotel. We ARE staying in a hotel buttprotector. That's why there's a mini bar. Get my meaning? Just sayin' is all. Get back to mackin those hoes fool, don't let my ass drag you down with semantics..Etc"

Sunday Special at Capper's

2009-09-24T11:34:00.001-07:00

The No Party

2009-09-19T15:17:00.000-07:00

Nova: The Rainbow Collection

2009-09-19T15:02:00.000-07:00

Drank a lot of free champagne, watched House of Dangerkat dance in Nova's clothes, got excited that one of them was smaller than me, drank more free cocktails, ate chips, blamed a French guy for lying that he was French cause he spoke like a cockney, sampled more cocktails, offended some people, lost my mind, found my way home.

Spidercat

2009-09-17T17:01:00.001-07:00

Lefties unite

2009-09-06T17:15:00.000-07:00

A nice way to spend a Sunday is to meet up with two of your favourite people, cycle down to the Hayward to see some art, get bored of waiting in the que to the Hayward and realise you dont care about art, leave the que and go and eat oysters and ale instead, dicuss your friend's weird feet, eat more food, go to a festival all about insects, bump into your friend's friend who she's been talking about all day because he keeps bees on his roof and collects his own feaces to fertalise his vegetables, see him and his kid and his misses dressed as bees, eat more food, join a group discussion about bees, discuss cholony collapse disorder and why humans should be more like bees, look at more bees, cycle back to the pub, eat free bbq, win a game of pool with a creepy drunk man, play chopsticks, beat up Ted.

Tak Tak

2009-09-06T16:37:00.000-07:00

Just a few words from the Kelmiester.

2009-08-24T04:22:00.000-07:00

Now,um,usually I dont do this but uh....
Go head' on and break em off wit a lil' preview of the remix....

No I'm not tryin to be rude,
But hey pretty girl I'm feelin you
The way you do the things you do
Remind me of my Lexus coup
Thats why im all up in yo grill
Tryina get you to a hotel
You must be a football coach
The way you got me playin the field

So baby gimme that toot toot
Lemme give you that beep beep
Runnin her hands through my 'fro
Bouncin on 24's
While they say on the radio...

It's the remix to ignition
Hot and fresh out the kitchen
Mama rollin that body
got every man in here wishin
Sippin on coke and rum
I'm like so what I'm drunk
It's the freakin weekend baby
I'm about to have me some fun

Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce
Bounce Bounce Bounce

Now it's like murder she wrote
Once I get you out them clothes
Privacy is on the door
Still they can hear you screamin more
Girl I'm feelin what you feelin
No more hopin and wishin
I'm bout to take my key and
Stick it in the ignition

So baby gimme that toot toot
Lemme give you that beep beep
Runnin her hands through my 'fro
Bouncin on 24's
While they say on the radio...

This is the remix to ignition
Hot and fresh out the kitchen
Mama rollin that body
Got every man in here wishin
Sippin on coke and rum
I'm like so what i'm drunk
It's the freakin weekend baby
I'm about to have me some fun

Crystall poppin in the stretch Navigator
We got food every where
As if the party was catored
We got fellas to my left
Hunnies on my right
We bring em both together we got junkin all night
Then after the show its the (after party)
And after the party its the (hotel lobby)
And round about 4 you gotta (clear the lobby)
Then head take it to the room and fuck somebody

Can I get a toot toot
Can I get a beep beep
Runnin her hands through my 'fro
Bouncin on 24's
While they say on the radio...

This is the remix to ignition
Hot and fresh out the kitchen
Mama rollin that body
Got every man in here wishin
Sippin on coke and rum
I'm like so what I'm drunk
It's the freakin weekend baby
I'm about to have me some fun

This is the remix to ignition
Hot and fresh out the kitchen
Mama rollin that body
Got every man in here wishin
Sippin on coke and rum
I'm like so what I'm drunk
It's the freakin weekend baby
I'm about to have me some fun

Girl we off in this jeep
Foggin windows up
Blastin the radio
In the back of my truck
Bouncin up and down
Stroke it round and round
To the remix
We just thuggin it out...

Princess of Nowhere

2009-08-14T11:38:00.001-07:00

She stole this from my wardrobe without me knowing

2009-08-14T10:54:00.001-07:00

Doom Room

2009-08-14T10:53:00.001-07:00

Dropfrog

2009-08-10T14:14:00.001-07:00

Peugeot Party

2009-08-09T15:39:00.000-07:00

Prancehall

2009-08-09T15:32:00.000-07:00

SF

2009-08-09T15:26:00.001-07:00

R.I.P

2009-08-06T16:09:00.000-07:00

Tonight I came home to death. Jackie was so too engrossed in cooking some kind of vegetable hot pot to notice but I sensed it as soon I opened my front door (6th sense). Luckily we still have 7 other goldfish, who are also slowly waiting to die. The flat doesn't feel the same though without Lenny. I just decided on his name now.

Gaggle of girls

2009-08-05T17:12:00.000-07:00

Boys have football, girls have cous cous and wine.

Field Day

2009-08-05T16:43:00.000-07:00

I watched one band, guess which one, and Zuuled for about 12 hours.

WAH Nails, Queenie, Lauren and the wind machine

2009-08-05T16:00:00.000-07:00

Bubble of Love

2009-08-03T15:48:00.000-07:00

midweek mayhem when you're killing kittens.

2009-07-25T16:28:00.000-07:00

Rayner's Pineapple Party

2009-07-23T10:18:00.000-07:00

My buddy Ben Rayner is getting married tomorrow. Instead of rushing around picking up his suit and making little name tags for his guests table at The Diner, he's been sitting at home adding pineapples to photos of people. At first I thought it was stupid but then I sent him a couple of photos of my own and then I realised it's the funniest thing he's ever done in his entire life. Maybe. My favourite one is the last one.

Roxanne

2009-07-18T15:23:00.000-07:00

Found some really amazing photos of my little sister...

72 hours with an STD

2009-07-14T15:01:00.000-07:00

After getting back from the Kern tour and not getting any sleep on our last night in Paris, my favourite partner in crime Jazzwand came to pick me up to take me on one of the funnest adventures i've had in a while.

Our first stop was Manchester to watch them support some band called Blur. James had extra bouffant hair which looked rad.

Look how excited they are!

I watched the boys on the side with the WAGS. That guy in the background popping his head in tapped me and CK1 on the shoulder as they started and went "they're fookin' shite, whoot the fook are dey weeehrin'?"

I watched Blur with Mairead. She pretty much ruined the night for everyone around us by smashing into them and knocking their drink out their hand.

Everyone went off to party but I had no sleep so I went back to the jazzy hotel. Si woke up at 7am and went for a swim in his Y-fronts.

That morning we set off to Glastonbury. TM extraordinaire Matt Johnson decided he was going to take us to his house on the way and treat us to a BBQ. We stopped off at Tesco's on the way.

Here's Johnson looking after the meats.

Matt taught us a game that came from the vikings. It involved getting into teams of 3 and throwing wooden planks at each other. Si, James and Matt's kid were playing against me, Stang and Pinger. We totally sucked. They won. This made them happier than meeting Coxon. Look at the victory on their faces.

They had a trampoline, swings and babies in their garden as well as millions of other toys that kept us entertained for hours.

After we left Matt's house we quickly did one more stop off for Stang to pick up some jonnies (10 to be exact, Featherlite, and ribbed for her pleasure. Or his, I cant remember.)...

We were greeted with this sign as we drove into the festival.

Luckily we didnt listen to their advice. The sky was blue, the sun was shining and it took a total of 40 seconds to set up our pop up tent. It took about the same amount of time for Si to go from this look...

...to this look!

Great choice of costume for the keyboard player.

The Prang Gang played a massive surprise set.

I watched them with the Rayners.

The next 24 hours was a blur. All I remember was there being a lot of laughing....and the following:

The Pylon.

This guys immense camera/telescope thing.

Hodgers dressed as Alexa Chung.

Rodaidh officially becoming The Prince of Nowhere.

Si thinking the guy with the candle was Jack Penate and shouting "no more tunes".

Cherise's homemade space-cakes.

Lauren's space-outfit.

Not being able to separate myself from these 4 people.

Lolo enjoying herself a lot after this photo was taking...

Stone circle.

Mangular and his God damn passport.

Spooning.

After leaving stone circle with Si, Lolo and The Prince of Nowhere, we gatecrashed the Ribbon Tower and watched over as tiny little helpers vaccumed all the rubbish from the grounds like ants. Si had a moment.

The next day I only managed to take 2 photos. One of them is with Si and his biggest fans.

And the other one is of Richard Hayley wearing make-up. I didnt feel like like using my camera after that.

Bruno Baggin's surpriiiiise birthday

2009-06-13T04:14:00.000-07:00

Primaveraaaa (best weekened ever)

2009-06-09T16:33:00.000-07:00

Going to the Chapel....

2009-06-09T15:59:00.000-07:00

Hens (Club Tropicana)

2009-06-09T15:42:00.000-07:00

Tunon & Swash residence

2009-05-09T12:19:00.000-07:00

Andrew W Kake

2009-05-08T09:32:00.001-07:00

God Bless New Jersey

2009-04-27T11:13:00.001-07:00

Duffy's new tatt

a nice picture that i stole from someone elses blog

2009-04-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

Harold + Maude = eye ball licking good...

2009-04-25T13:10:00.000-07:00

ba bada dadad bababa

2009-04-25T12:26:00.000-07:00

demin boyz

2009-04-25T12:13:00.000-07:00

flight 666

2009-04-22T06:55:00.000-07:00

"I'm in london fields by myself, not cool"

2009-04-21T09:29:00.000-07:00

Deano Day

2009-04-21T09:21:00.001-07:00

Why Ghent?

2009-04-21T08:06:00.000-07:00

Jiro's Thanksgiving dinner

2009-04-17T02:37:00.000-07:00

Japanese Warhol

2009-04-15T07:44:00.000-07:00

forgotten gems

2009-04-09T04:23:00.000-07:00

I still don't understand why there is a split second of the Pope clapping to ice hockey players about 1:27 secs in.

Umbro

2009-03-30T10:15:00.000-07:00

Ted + Bruno + Enterprise House + a Sharpie

2009-03-10T17:10:00.000-07:00